Friday, March 5, 2010

Incessant Rambling

If Berkeley has taught me anything it is that the systematic bureaucracy of advancement in the world is one which I am trapped in and that Berkeley itself is a part. It has also taught me that the bureaucracy is harmful to everyone who is constrained by it (everyone).

Luckily protesters have come up with the solution of destroying this system as best they can. This destruction consists of damaging anything they presently have access to within the system, and thus leaving themselves with nothing. Sounds good, but what if not having things is a disadvantage?

A good goal, therefore is to become all powerful and assume that with power comes the knowledge to use the power wisely, because after all- knowledge is power.

Sounds awesome. All options. But wait- a third one? What if I leave the system entirely and go live somewhere it can not affect me? I would be in total crippling solitude. What if I bring my own friends? Oh, we would have to create a new system between us? Hm. But what if some outside force comes to crush our humble commune? After all, property isn't owned by people unless it's also owned by everyone.

So then, nothing is mine but me? Do I belong to other people? I hope not. But I hope that I do, too. Because if I don't belong to anyone, than I only belong to myself. If I only belong to one person, that means only one person is invested in me. Do I belong to the people whom I love? I hope not, because then I would be a slave to people who don't even necessarily love me enough to give myself back to me. Do I belong to the people that love me? No, because if they truly loved me they would give me back and I would once again belong to myself. So then maybe it is enough to belong to myself but to be loved? But then I could only love those that love me if I wished to remain free. Doesn't that limit my ability to love others? So then even when I am free I am only a slave.

I can never be free, perhaps. Why would I want to be free? Why would I want the impossible? I guess, I shouldn't. Because if I want freedom I will never be happy. But what if I would prefer freedom to happiness? Then I have nothing. For I can never either. This is quite a wretched state. I could redefine freedom, but a word isn't a concept. Maybe if I focused really hard, I could convince myself that I want happiness more than freedom. But to choose happiness over freedom is an action of choice. Choice is an exercise of freedom. Maybe I naturally prefer happiness to freedom? So then is happiness the ultimate end? But then how do I make myself happy, if it is what I should desire most? Is it through my actions, each of which require exercising my own freedom?

What a dreadful state of affairs.

No comments:

Post a Comment